Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Primate

Ehh, just googling random stuff and found this interesting article http://poweranimals.com/articles/article6.html

Friday, December 21, 2007

Pain

My dick got stuck in my zipper. I didn't think that would ever happen and it got me by surprise. That shit really fuckin hurts. Everything is in lingo...kind of. I can't go home for christmas, the funds are too low due to my housing settlement. Its like buy a house... or ball out of control, go home, go to grandpa's funeral, buy presents for the fam, buy a 60 inch wide screen tv and chill christmas and new years. Yeah I'm sacrificing a lot. I feel like the bad guy cause I'm tryin to invest in this fuckin house but all my family sees is me NOT going to the funeral and me NOT showing up for christmas. In a lot of ways I think buyin this house is bigger than all those things. I paid my respects to my grandpa while he was alive. Everything almost worked out perfectly only my company didn't give me the bonus I intended because of my offer with a competing company. Thats business though, of course they wouldn't slide me 6k if the thought I might leave. Fuck it. Lesson learned, don't switch jobs until after the fiscal year.
Anyway, I think I'm like on week 10 or maybe 11 of no fucking...and uh..I'm hallucinating. Yeah, I'm not sure what the fuck is gonna happen. Its not so bad during the day, I keep a straight face and a clear mind most of the day but its wearin on me. I don't think its natural.
On a side note, I would totally bang this filipino (sp?) chick at my work. Now that I'm leavin I don't feel so bad about saying it.She's got a great personality. We'll see what happens I guess.

On another note, my ex sent me a letter. It was somewhat of an apology and an overall ending to our relationship, she couldn't handle being just friends so nearly all contact has been cut off. It ended on a better note than our initial split. For the most part I'm happy about the situation and how we 'redid' the ending. I know she'll find someone a lot quicker than I will but thats life, sometimes you gotta learn to swim with no lifeguard. As for me, I really need to figure out what I want. I think I've spent so much of my life doing what I was supposed to do I never really thought about stuff that I wanted to do. Before I met V I just fucked women just to fuck them, not that I was interested in them or that I would ever consider spending an extended amount of time with them..it was just there. I guess I moved past that stage and I'm looking for something else now. My outlook has become so clouded, so contorted I'm not sure I'm seeing straight. In fact, I feel like I've got everything on track except for that one area in my life. Hmmmm fuck it I'm done.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sporatic

The whole buying a house process is going smoothly. Funds should be straight by the end of this month, no major problems were found in the inspection, we got 15k for closing from the sellers, pretty awesome.

On another note my vikings won last night, if I'm not mistaken I think that means they get to go to the playoffs. More importantly Adrian Peterson scored 2 TD bringing me to a 69 to 65 victory over JP in fantasy. I would have been really disappointed seeing as how I outscored nearly all of my opponents by 30-40 points 10 out 13 games. Bladow, donkey punch.

On another note, I wake up this morning and my room is sweltering. I climb out of bed open the door and it is absolutely freezing in the stairwell. Upon going upstairs I notice the damn sliding door is wide open, I'm looking at the thermostat which is reading 58 degrees. My roommate is an idiot. He left the sliding door open after taking out the trash and for the last two hours the heat has been pumping non stop. I don't know how you just leave without noticing the obnoxiously cold draft coming in from the sliding door.

On another note I had the craziest dreams. One, the patriots get a perfect record. Two, I go to Brazil and hang out with gorgeous women. Three, I get stuck on some crazy roller coaster for hours until I wake up in disbelief only to swat the air around me because I think there are gnats and bed bugs hovering around my head. As I go back to sleep I decide to sleep on the opposite side because I figure the bed bugs just like my pillows (I was half asleep). So by 7:30ish I'm completely naked (cause of the heat), sleeping on the other side of the bed with no pillows and probably sleep talking.

On another note...the heat bill is gonna be a bitch.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Crap

So I realize I've got to take a dump at work. Great right?! I head down the hall with reading material in hand. As I enter the bathroom I do the floor check. If someone's there I turn around and leave, I quit faking the "oh I just came in to wash my hands". Coast is clear. I get in my stall and quickly lock the door. Drop my reading material on the floor and proceed to mummify the toilet. I just don't want my buttcheeks touching a surface that other men's buttcheeks have touched cause all I picture is two grown men smashing their buttcheeks together and its makes me cringe. So after the mummification I start my ipod and yank my jeans down to do the deed. I can feel it coming like the weekend on Thursday at this point. I let out a sigh of relief as the precursing gas escapes. As I open by reading material the bathroom door swings open.
"Son of bitch", I think as I feel my cheeks clench. I just can't do it, I hate letting it rip when other people are around, know what I mean? But it isn't just anybody roaming around the bathroom...its a damn kid. I can hear him breathing. There is a pediatric office on the opposite side of our building so all these sick ass kids are always coming in. It sounded like this one was congested...or ungodly obese. For a moment its quiet and I think "Maybe he left--".
I hear another rustle, this time closer to my door. I look up through the crack to see if I can locate the bastard only to realize the damn kid is peaking into the crack in the door. He's just staring at me with my freakin pants down, breathing heavily with his snotty little nose.
So now we're looking at each other and it looks like he isn't moving.
I calmly respond, "Go wash your hands and go find your mother kid."
The kid pulls away from the crack and just leaves the bathroom. By the time everything was said and done I no longer felt like I needed to take a shit. Thanks kid.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

changing lanes

Why the fuck don't people look before switching lanes? Honestly? Honestly? no seriously? What the fuck? So this idiot almost hits me because she's drifting into my lane and yeah per Dane Cook I think "Check out this mother fucker". Honk. Honk. The finger, the chin flick and the hand over the arm, roll down my window, "Watch out you stupid prick." Ahhhh now I feel better. I switch my brights on. Now everyone knows I'm coming...I'm that guy. Slowly one by one people get out of my way. (GASP) you mean I can part the red sea of traffic by merely turning my brights on, what a revolutionary idea. So thats what I'm doing until I get pulled over and hit with a 400 dollar ticket.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

There are only so many tomorrows

So my mom called me on Saturday morning to give me the bad news. My grandpa passed away the day before. I knew it was coming, he had to go to the hospital because of pneumonia. The doc's tell him he's getting better (probably to get him home and let him live his remaining days at home, cause who wants to die in a hospital). I was skeptical about him being okay, I think a lot of people catch pneumonia and die shortly after.

Anyway, I know my mom is taking it pretty hard, I think she's the only one (out of her siblings) that showed she cared about my grandpa. She'll take it the hardest so I figured I could call her everyday for awhile.


I've never had a big attachment to my grandparents on either side. I never knew my father's father, I think he died when I was about 7. Don't know too much about my father's mother either, she's still alive but she's in ocean away and we've never had the money to go see her. My other grandmother was around sporadically but it always bothered my father when she was around. One particular incident seems to have always made things uncomfortable was when my grandmother beat us with a wooden spoon and my Dad wasn't having that. Although I don't know how much of a difference (in terms of pain) getting hit by my dads hand or being beat with wooden spoon really was. All I remember was thinking "we could probably just talk about this, instead of just beating the kids and apologizing afterwards" but I guess when you work a 9-5 the last thing you want to do is explain yourself to your kid when you get home. But hey, with the exception of my extremely low tolerance for shit and or stupidity, I guess I turned out pretty well.

Anyway, Sophomore year I saved 600 bucks to a hop a flight to Arizona to spend 2 weeks with the old man. I figured he wasn't going to be around much longer so I wanted to actually meet him. I'm glad I did. He had a lot of war stories, a lot of romance stories, a lot of life lessons. I pretty much scrunched what should have been 18 years of childhood bedtime stories into 2 weeks. So what else did I take a way? Well he's been married/divorced 4(?) times, currently lived with his white girlfriend (whom he met in a class). He served in WWII, still had a bad knee because of it, earned a purple heart, the mob tried to recruit him a few times because of his way with people, could occasionally bowl a 300 and an ex gambler. We also shared some intimate things about his childhood, perhaps something that he never told any of his children. I think he was open to talking with me about them simply because he knew that would be the last time we ever saw each other.

I learned a lot from him, I tried to take everything in and look at my grandpa objectively. I think he's a good person and perhaps if he has put in the effort he would have been a great grandfather. At the same time I know there are reasons why none of his sons were willing to talk to him anymore, why he went through 4 divorces etc. But I also knew he lived a full life, he definitely lived the way he wanted and made the best of everything he got. So I guess thats it. He's dead now, I don't feel that bad about it though. I feel like I should feel something, but I went out to see him of my own free will and walked a way with a slightly better understanding of myself and my mother's generation. Well I guess that about sums it up, R.I.P. grandpa.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Multiple Forks In My Road

Man I've got a lot of decisions to make. I'm looking into buying a place with my current roommate, we'll just split it down the middle, renting is for the birds. So do I take a major hit and buy or do I sit easy and rent?

I got a job offer at a great firm. The place I'm working at is cool too, but its just another should I stay or should I go, is the grass greener on the other side?

I had a 3 year relationship that has just about dissipated completely. I've got a different focus in my life and I also feel like V (my ex) has got to make some decisions about what will make her happy on her own. Its more of a wait and see but eventually it'll become a Should I go or should I stay? I mean the decision has already been made but every now and then I think about all the different outcomes and possibilities. In all honesty our relationship ended worse than some marriages (except the splitting everything down the middle). So yeah... another fork...

So as far as decisions go I've got Where I'm going to live? What I'm going to do with my life (work)? Who I'm going to be with (or not be with)? ...do those questions get any bigger? Everything is in complete lingo right now.

"The path to hell is paved with good intentions."

Sunday, December 2, 2007

I still can't make it rain

So my friend and I decided to hit the strip club. It was cool and all, drank a fifth of jeagger before hopping the metro. It was our second time at this specific club, I've been to a few others. I've got to say camelot is quality compared to a lot of the other places in d.c. It was fun and all, but I know the attraction will dull pretty quickly. For as much as I experiment with sex (or did experiment) I've got to say staring at a stripper can only get so exciting. Plus I always look at the guys in there, some of them look like they're still trying to lose their virginity. But anyway, like I said it'll get boring soon and I'll be looking for something else. But I already know that I don't need to delve further into that realm of sex. In fact I've been actively seeking out the reverse. Call me crazy but at age 23 I'm looking into giving abstinence a serious try (2 months already). There is just something about always having sex, always being on the prowl that clouds the mind. We'll see how long it lasts but I think it could last a pretty long time. By merely ignoring my urges and redirecting my energies into everyday tasks I already find myself more motivated, more acute more aware of my surroundings.

Anyway like I was saying, I'm already looking for the next thing. I don't want to make strip clubs a habit, I doubt it would get that far as I don't like dropping money on things i can't touch. Strippers are only real if you're rich enough to touch them without getting in trouble. So I still can't make it rain and until I can I'd rather spend my money elsewhere. Of course, every now and then I don't mind having a good time. Well moving right a long, my point is I've got to find more interesting things to do in d.c. or even in my local town. I have to find the next stage I guess. In my fresh/soph years of school it was stupid frat parties and then just any party and then college bars, then finally regular bars and clubs and then strip clubs...and well its all getting a little old. I'm getting a little old I guess. Besides, now that sex is out, I have very little motivation to go out to any of those places. Lets face it boys night out = "i need to find some pussy" girls night out = "Lets dance around our purses and have fun???" I don't know, but clearly the reason why I'm at the bar is never the same reason why she's at the bar...so fuck it. And yeah, there are those times where you just walk in and some girl knows she immediately wants to fuck you...but now that doesn't even matter to me. It all looks like smoke and mirrors to me. The women in the bars and the ones in the strip club don't seem all that different to me. So there has to be something more, something else. This isn't a desperate plea for an answer-- there are none, we each hold our own truths. But there should always be something that keeps you occupied, keeps you entertained, the world is too vast and too intricate for any of us to be unimpressed with what it has to offer. I've just got to find it...

Friday, November 30, 2007

Facebook

I'm not sure if Mark Zuckerberg knew what he was creating when he developed f-book or if, like the rising sun it eventually dawned on him months after he created it BUT it might possibly be the most remarkable creation of our civilization. How you ask? What about fire or electricity, or even the computer Mark used to develop f-book. Even the systematic culmination of data in the form of dictionaries, encyclopedias and even Google may not be able to compete with the importance of facebook. What makes me say this?

At our most fundamental level some might say our soul purpose is to preserve and transfer data (in the form of DNA). On a more sophisticated level our purpose is by in large to gather, preserve and transfer data. Universities and colleges are merely data banks that previous generations use to store information only to be passed to the next generation. In essence, institutions such as these are human hard drives and we are all bits of information waiting to write our small piece of data that we accumulate throughout our lives to a greater pool of knowledge. What more are our cities than hubs for us to exchange data? our roads, telephone wire, cable wires and tvs are merely the wiring and hardware necessary for us to pass data back and forth just as a computer would pass data from its CPU to RAM to its hard drives and back. So what component of the human network is facebook?

If you look at facebook at its basic unit (You, me any individual with a profile) it is the digital imprint of your life. As the years progress you'll watch your friends get older through the pictures they post. Since fbook stores every action you take by the end of your life fbook might be ablt to tell you how many times you broke up with your current b/f or g/f, how many different partners you had, how many friends or acquaintances you made. If someone were too look throughout your facebook profile 80 years from now it would give a viewer a description of someone else's life in way that we have never been able to view this data. As it stands now we can only read about people in history books, but people centuries from now will have pictures, feeds, human interactions (for example Einstein poked Franklin D. Roosevelt), people will have a more accurate description of anyone and everyone.

So if everyone is digitally recording their lives then facebook will act as the RAM that identifies our human civilization. Yes the analogy doesn't quite match up but if you think of RAM as the component that gives a PC its context, then facebook does exactly that. A century from now a student could look at my profile and figure out what was popular and what wasn't, what we wore how we dressed, what was considered sexy, what issues were important to us. I wouldn't give fbook the title of hard drive simply because that would imply all of our data as a civilization was somehow being stored by fbook which is far from true. I think we'll have to wait for that great invention but as it stands now, fbook should be regarded as one of the most important inventions of our time solely because it might (one day) have the power to accurately describe how we as a civilization interact , grow and change. Ok i'm tired now...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Live in your world play in ours

So Sean Taylor from the Washington Redskins has been murdered. One of my friends sent me an article outlining a few occurrences of successful black males who have been killed in what some would call freak or unusual circumstances. But to look at the matter more objectively, the rapid extinction of African American males is nerve wrecking. It isn't anything that the black community hasn't known since I was little, but it is something that has become absurdly more real in the past few years.

I suppose the biggest change has really occurred in the declining population of black males that society would classify as successful. Those men who have amassed a decent amount of wealth (whether it be from sports or tv or private businesses) as well as those who have earned various degrees and have sought out full time jobs to make a decent living have recently been the targets of a lot of homicides. My point is, (and maybe this is the way its always been) the rising rate of homicides where the victims are males from 15-24 are not just gangsters or wanna-be thugs. I say this because too often when we hear these stories on the media and we automatically assume that the victim did something wrong or maybe he had it coming.

Well there are no strong conclusions this time. I only wanted to write a passing thought. A week from now Sean Taylor's name will be appear far less than it does now. They might or might not find his killer (I just can't see the police investing this further than the media demands) and that will determine how long his name stays in the headlines (however we're still talking about that Natalee Holloway for some reason and baby grace who was found already dead). Anyway, if they don't find his killer he will be forgotten in an even shorter time.


well one of these days i'll have to post something full of interesting facts and statistics...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Yep its like that

I don't care if you lost your virginity as long as you've still got the box it came in.

I'll probably be drinking this weekend...heavily.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Listening to Opera

"I'm sittin' in the phantom, listening to opera gun is my bodyguard call me Kevin Costner" Well I'm not really sitting in a phantom, I'm actually sitting at the mazda dealership waiting for them to finish working on my car. There was a woman in the waiting room with her kid,-- I think the kid was retarded..or should i say 'mentally challenged'. The kid couldn't formulate a full sentence to save his life but he was full of meaningless interjections.

Anyway, I have to venture home in a few weeks, a journey I am none to thrilled about. I suppose it'll be nice to see the family, I just hate those damn tolls. But what are you going to do? These things are expected of you, right. Its the price we pay to be part of any social construct whether it be a family, a school, job etc.

Hmmmmm ok, lets write about something semi important today, no?

I got in a recent argument with one of my black female friends about this whole down low brother issue. It seems to be flaring up in the media a lot, I hear about it on the net, people gossip about it, of course I never hear it through the venues I should, just behind closed doors. My white roommate even made a joke about it...so I suppose this topic is far widespread by now. So I've got two major issues with this whole concept. Firstly, its being used to blame the rising number of HIV cases in black women even though we've got no statistical evidence that their is a correlation between the two AND the same thing is going on in the white community (except these men are being caught in mall bathrooms and a lot of these guys have been very high profile), yet we have no derogatory term for white men who do the same thing nor does the white community completely destroy these men. The senator that got caught (can't remember his name) still has his wife, still has his kids and might have been able to save his job had he denied the scenario from the get go. But I digress, lets get back to the HIV issue.

From what I can gather there is no statistical data on any correlation between down low men and the rise of new HIV cases. People too often assume that because something 'sounds right' or appears to 'make sense' that it must be the case. In general people hate homosexuals, especially the black community, the stigma that HIV is a homosexual disease has largely dissipated however people still feel this disease is their (the homosexual community's) fault. This faulty logic follows as such, we've got black men who are lying and are really bisexual, these black men are really lying to themselves and others and are really just homosexual, they are responsible for the HIV epidemic because they are gay, since they sleep with men who clearly spread the disease and also sleep with women they must be the link between those that would have the disease (gay men) and those that normally wouldn't have the disease (straight women). Whether you want to admit this rationalization or not, more than likely this is how many of people, especially those in the black community think. My problem...where the fuck is the evidence? Could it quite possibly be just another thing other communities are using to further divide us, to pit us against each other. For some reason this issue is funny to everyone else and no one has enough sense to start questioning who coined this derogatory biased term for an action that has occurred since the birth of the human race. Why was the term coined, why single out on black men, where is the statistical data? Where are the facts. We can't even figure out if the earth is getting warmer or colder and its not like the earth is on the down low, but somehow we've established 'well known facts' about a group of people we know nothing about because unlike global warming we don't have handful of dedicated scientists researching this topic. But what I find so remarkable is that if you were to ask people in the black community what the leading factors in the rise of HIV amongst black women, many of them would probably point the finger at brothers in prison OR on the downlow. This phenomenon has become widely accepted without any factual data, however we actually have factual data for global warming (even though it still has determined anything, btw i'm neither for or against this global warming thing its all for the sake of argument) and if you were to ask the same people about global warming you'd get a bunch of mixed answers. Do you see the connection?

I guess this really all comes back to the fact that black males have enough stigma surrounding them already. If we really don't have any statistical data to back it up why take speculation as the truth. Just know its possible maybe even probable but until we know for sure we shouldn't let speculation influence judgement.

Monday, November 5, 2007

I flip more lids than a monkey in a kitchen-- of the mind.

I might look back on this post and laugh my ass off but these are my thoughts now. I'm disgusted by our way of life in America. Just graduating from college I'm having a tough time with some of my most recent revelations. Some of my elders gave the heads up on how things were going to change, but when they bestowed upon me their kind wisdom it was more about working and bills and the type of normal responsibility I've come to terms with since highschool. What everyone failed to mention was how systematic everything would become after college. How locked in and confined we all become. At the moment I refuse to submit to a life of complete mediocrity and at the same time every breath I take is defined by that very same standard. There is nothing so special about me that my life should turn out any better or any worse than the next college educated grad. But, I at least refuse to accept this fate until I've explored all my options.
Often times I go to the mall after work to wait out traffic. It clears my mind. I can walk in a sea of people and feel like I know something about everyone, but know no single person intimately. I walk through a bunch of generalizations. No one is truly unique or different they are all one in the same and from someone else's point of view I am probably no different. It is in this ubiquitous sea of people that I feel a certain comfort but a great disgust. I suppose its because its one of the few places where one can view the full spectrum of age. At work one might see 20-50 year olds, at school one might see ages 18-23 etc. But in the mall you see every age, every race, rich, poor, middle class its all there. Its all the same.
The thing I hate though-- the thing I can't fucking stand is the number of children. I don't know if I just never noticed or if the rate has recently sky rocketed but there are too many kids. Who is having all these damn kids and more importantly why are they having so many kids. What on earth made you decide that you should populate the gene pool with your DNA? What is so fantastic about your personality that you felt you needed to pass it on for another generation? What in your life set you apart that you feel somehow you are entitled to bring another life into this world? What?! because you can? Thats a perfectly good reason, right? Or maybe because you thought it would be cute, or better yet, it was an accident. While the possibility is always there, you and your child are more than likely doomed to a life of mediocrity. In some respects I feel thats why people have kids. They see their failures as a person and hope to better themselves through their children. I'll be the first to stand up and tell each and every single idiotic parent out there "you're setting yourself up for failure". Was it that you ran out of answers and this was the best idea you could forge? What made you stop believing in yourself? What made you produce something that would have a greater precedence than your own existence? That concept in itself lends itself to the idea that you have somehow given up on your life in the hopes of bettering this replica you like to call your child.
But hey, maybe you just needed a few kids to add fulfillment to your life. I won't be a complete hypocrite, I might too one day come to accept my fate and have two fucking kids just like everyone else. But before I lay down on those train tracks I intend to search for a better solution to this pandemic I like to refer to as mediocrity.

"You're gonna carry that weight..."

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I'll never call golf a dull game again.

So I went to my brother's football game and when I got back I hit the sack. I get a call at 4:30 in the morning-- its my roommate, he's outside drunk and he needs me to let him in. I think to myself what the fuck? How the fuck? Did he lose his keys? How could he get home if he had no keys? How is he locked out? I didn't even bother putting any pants on. I scrambled upstairs unlocked the door and let him in. His lips busted, he's got a chipped tooth, he's breathing heavy from the alcohol. He's got band-aids on all of his damn fingers. A few more cuts here and their--

"What the fuck happened to you", Was my only question.
"I got jumped", He responded opening his mouth to allow me a closer look at his mangled tooth. He continued,"They beat me with a baseball bat, I just got out of the hospital."

I looked outside, his car wasn't there.

"Are you okay?" I asked in disbelief. Its one of those questions you have to ask. Did he look okay to me? Fuck no! But what are you going to do, right? He went to the hospital, somehow managed to make it all the way home without his car. He was supposed to meet up with Sam and one of his old friends...did they leave him? A lot of questions kept racing through my mind. I checked my phone, I had a bunch of missed calls around 1 am. "That sucks", I thought. Looks like he probably called me during or right after the beating and I was knocked the hell out. I halfway wanted to apologize, but he was already on the phone with his girlfriend. She'll freak out, but its okay, at least she cares. I always thought she had an irrational fear of finding her boyfriend dead an ally, but if this fool keeps going out without me, it could be a very real reality.

Looking back I just don't know, the whole situation seems odd. I haven't spoken to him after the incident, but who the hell is jumping a 5'6 slightly pudgy white guy. I don't know what part of d.c. he was in, but I know he wouldn't go beyond adams morgan or dupont circle. D.C. is dangerous, but even drag queens can walk freely in those areas without getting jumped. Anyway I digress...

So now I'm on the phone with his girlfriend reassuring her that her boyfriend doesn't look like Emmett Till. I looked at him now and again to confirm that I wasn't lying to myself. He'll have to get that tooth fixed, but shit you've seen all that 90210 doctor bullshit on the health channel, if they can fix those bammers they can fix a simple chipped tooth. Other than that its just a few minor cuts and bruises.

"He's okay, nothin' that can't be fixed", I reassured her for the third time. "You wanna talk to him again?"

I handed the phone back to my roommate. He disappeared into the kitchen mumbling about how he was going to explain this to his parents. It was 4:40, I was tired, the roomie was back somewhere safe, I retired for the night.

Monday, October 8, 2007

What tomorrow will bring

"You never know what tomorrow will bring"

I think we've all heard that one before. The quote is used to inspire hope, maybe even spark initiative in one's life. Before I go knee deep into it though I'd like to add a little perspective. Recently I've been reading a few things on string theory and I'm about half way through Stephen Hawking's book "A Brief History of Time". One of the sections mentions that if we knew the state of the universe during a given time period (meaning if we could get a snapshot of the universe at some point) we could figure out a formula that could describe everything in our universe at any time.
The abstraction doesn't seem that far fetched if you think about it. We can always start with a simple system with a few variables, and the more information we have about that system, the more we can deduce the value of each variable. What I find interesting is if the abstraction is correct, than there is a method to all this madness (life in general).
So its quite possible that our lives are quite predestined. Our every action, thought and movements are just a few variables neatly placed in the fabric of space-time. What keeps the future unknown to us is our lack of understanding. I doubt we'll ever come close to being able to fathom such a formula and it seems our future will alway be a mystery. Which really leads me to my next point.
This theory of being able to predict every outcome of our reality with a single formula lends itself to the conclusion that we are only free after we die. So long as we live in human bodies and remain within the plain of this existence, abiding by our set of mathematical rules and physical limitations we are submitting to some sort of a master formula. But after death, we could quite possibly be in an existence where we are no longer bound by the rules of the universe, we are no longer governed by the physical laws that hinder us from seeing beyond our so called reality. So honestly, even if we were to find such a formula would it change anything?
They say the only philosophical question of any importance is the question of whether one should commit suicide. Does knowing your every move, your every thought render your life pointless? Maybe free will has always been a myth. I honestly believe math can explain everything in our world, humans are no exception. Our concepts of personality, love, hate, what is good and evil, our 'isms' our traits, these can all be explained by some finely tuned calculation, yet these are the very same things we use to express our 'free will'. They say God has a plan for everyone, maybe he just wrote a formula and put everything on auto-pilot?

Monday, October 1, 2007

First Post

You're a day late and a dollar short.