I might look back on this post and laugh my ass off but these are my thoughts now. I'm disgusted by our way of life in America. Just graduating from college I'm having a tough time with some of my most recent revelations. Some of my elders gave the heads up on how things were going to change, but when they bestowed upon me their kind wisdom it was more about working and bills and the type of normal responsibility I've come to terms with since highschool. What everyone failed to mention was how systematic everything would become after college. How locked in and confined we all become. At the moment I refuse to submit to a life of complete mediocrity and at the same time every breath I take is defined by that very same standard. There is nothing so special about me that my life should turn out any better or any worse than the next college educated grad. But, I at least refuse to accept this fate until I've explored all my options.
Often times I go to the mall after work to wait out traffic. It clears my mind. I can walk in a sea of people and feel like I know something about everyone, but know no single person intimately. I walk through a bunch of generalizations. No one is truly unique or different they are all one in the same and from someone else's point of view I am probably no different. It is in this ubiquitous sea of people that I feel a certain comfort but a great disgust. I suppose its because its one of the few places where one can view the full spectrum of age. At work one might see 20-50 year olds, at school one might see ages 18-23 etc. But in the mall you see every age, every race, rich, poor, middle class its all there. Its all the same.
The thing I hate though-- the thing I can't fucking stand is the number of children. I don't know if I just never noticed or if the rate has recently sky rocketed but there are too many kids. Who is having all these damn kids and more importantly why are they having so many kids. What on earth made you decide that you should populate the gene pool with your DNA? What is so fantastic about your personality that you felt you needed to pass it on for another generation? What in your life set you apart that you feel somehow you are entitled to bring another life into this world? What?! because you can? Thats a perfectly good reason, right? Or maybe because you thought it would be cute, or better yet, it was an accident. While the possibility is always there, you and your child are more than likely doomed to a life of mediocrity. In some respects I feel thats why people have kids. They see their failures as a person and hope to better themselves through their children. I'll be the first to stand up and tell each and every single idiotic parent out there "you're setting yourself up for failure". Was it that you ran out of answers and this was the best idea you could forge? What made you stop believing in yourself? What made you produce something that would have a greater precedence than your own existence? That concept in itself lends itself to the idea that you have somehow given up on your life in the hopes of bettering this replica you like to call your child.
But hey, maybe you just needed a few kids to add fulfillment to your life. I won't be a complete hypocrite, I might too one day come to accept my fate and have two fucking kids just like everyone else. But before I lay down on those train tracks I intend to search for a better solution to this pandemic I like to refer to as mediocrity.
"You're gonna carry that weight..."