Not bad

I went running in the cold and now I feel like crap. I'm back from my 5 day stint of no work feeling-- not the least bit refreshed. After my failed attempt to make it to Ohio I opted to hang out with Ash. I had a good time. We ate at this spot, Agora-- not too bad, probably won't visit again as the chef def needs some help (from me). She's doing alright, finally settled in her new job. She got fired from her last and I think she was a little apprehensive about going out (even though I usually pay for things). I can tell she's been dating, of course her story is that she's been inactive but I'd assume 1 or 2 partners since we last met. She gets a big kick out of me and my dating stories (I really should share some of the crazy shit that happens to me). I can tell-- she misses me, in fact dinner was her idea. We walked back to the metro together and I couldn't tell if she wanted to come home with me or not. She kept saying ish like 'well I guess this is where we have to part ways' and I'd be like 'yeeeeeeeeeep, have a good night' then she said 'Oh we have 10 minutes until the next train...' and on and on...there seem to be about 4 excuses as to why I should hang around. I was headed towards shady grove, she was going towards glenmont...she even attempted 'accidentally' going down the wrong escalator to the wrong side (which would be my side). I kept correcting her. I'm not sure if that was her being ditzy or her wanting me to invite her over. I didn't really spend time thinking about it cause I didn't want to deal with the annoyance of getting her back to the metro in the morning...and I just wasn't feeling it.

I can't quite explain why I'm so nice to her. I think its just cause she reminds me of my ex and I just feel bad for the way I treated her. I know I must be sending confusing signals by being so nice to her but oddly enough, me being nice to her is still really more about me than it is her-- she just happens to benefit from it. From our discussion it sounds like her friends are very curious about me and I can understand why. They probably encounter few guys who wine and dine at decent spots for the F of it, or weekend trips to nearby cities just to be somewhere different...or movies or ski trips (that has yet to come). In fact I guess that's what spawned the 'exclusivity' conversation. I told her it doesn't make sense for women to approach men about being exclusive, it has to be the other way around. If a woman states that she wants to be exclusive most men will take this as a green light to explore other options WHILE dating her. Why? Because shortie is locked down already. If you're heart is in it you're not going anywhere, in fact its so tempting to abuse that power because women are more willing to put up with ish just to see if a guy is willing to go the extra step. Lastly, there is no real penalty with stating you're exclusive-- say she does find out...well its not like you were 'together' you were just exclusive. Its a real gray area when women ask to be exclusive. Flip the script though, if a guy asks it means he's a bit more serious and would like to make sure you're not running around..aka pretty much gf status. I think exclusivity is really just a short precursor to actually being together. Likely, there is something about your character that he isn't quite sure of but he probably likes 90% of you. Maybe you said something like 'I don't want a boyfriend right now' or whatever but you've been dating homeboy for a few months. Who knows...anyway-- Ash and I had that convo. I removed myself from the situation, made sure we were only talking about hypothetical situations and not 'us'. If I hear from her again within a week then it might be time to bail completely. The fact that she still feels the need to lie about other men she might be entertaining actually means she's more interested in me than she cares to admit. Either way I'm pretty ambivalent to the whole matter and I have a date with M on Thursday.